Day 20 - The Last Post

Woke this morning about 7am - slept on the lounge at 'Rina's place. Very comfortable.

Both dogs are having the time of their lives. The house is the best of both worlds with the city-farm feel and the suburban proximity.

'Rina's fallout bunker, garden, local wildlife and her preserving skills means that she prepared in the case of the inevitable Zombie War - only thing missing is the independent water and power supplies.

The property is very spacious and once again the see the preoccupation with keeping the lawns manicured. 'Rina has two ride on mowers and a push mower to assist with this process.

Mole City

As with all properties that I've seen over here, the moles are an incredible nuisance. They do keep the soil aerated well though.

Front of the house with the unusable door

Only an hour or so to go before leaving for the airport. I know that the flight will be long an uncomfortable bit it can't come soon enough for me. So waiting to get home once more.

All four of us squeezed into the stealth with the luggage and made it to the airport alive (Tim was driving)

Managed to get on the earlier flight and scored a front seat in economy so no squeeze legs. Tim was not so lucky. Also scored with an aisle seat on the way home so double bonus. On my way back to my family - woo-hoo and Yeee-haaaw!

All in all, a great trip.

Catching up with great family and friends in Sydney (so comfortable just chatting about nothing for hours), meeting new people in America (the weird and wonderful friends and neighbours of Clare), changes of culture and foods and sights. A trip to New York and a nice long rest. Good times!

Things they keep in the barn

Buddy, Leroy, Tony, 'Rina and Clare.

Day 19 - Leaving Hooterville for Pettycoat Junction

Today will be the last in Slater.

Clare forgot that Harold asked to stay the night and so locked up the house. She found him asleep in the truck this morning.

He's doing some work around at Sarah and Jerry's so he's been around this morning.

Final opportunity for Tim to finish fixing the ride-on. So far, he's decided that the problem was the battery, starter solenoid, fuel solenoid, the rust on the terminals in the starter switch, the actual starter switch, the wiring, the spark plug, the engine coil, the carburettor and the earthing of any of the previously mentioned. I think some loose cowboys have been having a go at this thing.

He's emptied the ash trays and cleaned the mirror, so that can't be the problem - let's live in hope.

Tim finally got the thing going then it stopped due to a vapour lock. Another 30 mins or so and a quick recharge of the battery and he was able to ride it back down to the shed to be locked away until next time - it could use a rest.

Jerry and Sarah came for lunch to say goodbye and then we set off to 'Rina's in the afternoon to stay the night at St Joseph.


Leroy drove with us in the stealth over to St Joseph. It was a long drive (2.5 hours) and it didn't help that Clare's RADAR was a little wonky from sitting in the back seat of the stealth with Leroy.

We eventually arrived at 'Rina's and it is a stunning property with huge well-kept lawns and gardens. Her son makes his own beers and we had a sample of the designer beers he making for the upcoming wedding in the family. Raspberry beer was quite nice and light and the farmhouse was a bit heavier and more "hoppy" but still great. We had another meal of pulled pork, coleslaw, baked beans and bread rolls. Maybe this is the staple meal for dinner guests.

It was followed up by a blackberry cobbler which was absolutely delicious.

The dogs have been running flat out ever since we arrived.

There is an extensive vegetable garden which has cabbages, pumpkins, a huge strawberry patch (complete with bunny rabbits) raspberries, blueberries and blackberries. Some stone fruit trees and other assorted salad veggies (tomatoes and the like) - Sue, you'd be in absolute heaven!

We fly out tomorrow, so if I can work out some access at the airport, I might be able to update. If not, we may have to deal with the lost day of travel at another time.

Day 18 - Just an ordinary dune buggy

Tim still not well so I decided today was the day to go to the Pharmacy for breakfast.

Spoiler alert: no photos of the breakfast cause I didn't want to spook the local fauna.

As with the Pharmacy in Glasgow, the middle and front of the Slater Pharmacy is devoted to a cafeteria with a long bench and Happy Days stools to sit on. Behind the bench, a younger lithe woman of about 30-something serves the customers while another older lady cooks on the griddle and puffs away at cigarettes. I sit just down from a weathered 50-something guy wearing a western shirt. I'm facing the extensive sinks / coffee maker / griddle / soda fountain and the waitress. Behind me are the booths in the middle of the room. On the back wall, all the way down to the back of the shop, are the typical chemist shelf items. The back of the shop is the prescription medicine area.

As I sat, the waitress asked what I'd like to drink.

Coffee with milk please.

She pours me a cup of black coffee and proceeds to fill a metal milk jug. As she does so, I reach for the glass container with metal pour lid and spoon in one teaspoon. As the coffee goes whiter, I ask if this is the creamer or sugar. Her answer, "oh everyone makes that mistake!" as she tips out my coffee and pours another one. Meanwhile, western shirt fires down an identical glass jar of sugar like tossing the beers down the length of the bar.

She passes the menu. It has eggs, omelettes, meals with eggs, "meat", toast and hash browns with various combinations. All under $4. The bacon on the griddle looks paper thin so I thought I'd have 2 eggs and bacon.

Out came two eggs and bacon - eggs sunny side up and bacon super crispy - on a plastic picnic plate and a fork (no knife).

As I slowly consumed these items, greedily taking in every morsel of the surrounding atmosphere, Walter sat two seats down from me. It was like when Norm walks into the bar from Cheers - everyone immediately welcomes him. Cook fixes up a plate with (what I thought were a pile of fried onions) hash browns and (what looked a bit like oatmeal) gravy with the announcement of, "no charge." (see aftermath blog entry for gravy)

They chat openly across the entire patronage about how he has to take someone for treatments 3 times a week - Monday, and Thursday, and then again next Monday. I'm looking at things like the calendar which has a quote from Herbert Hoover: "All men are created equal before..." can't see because the milk shake mixer is blocking. I lean across to spy the word, "fish"

We chatted about how good the menu was and how busy the place gets. There's 8 people in the place for late breakfast at 9.30am. This is the quiet time. The specials menu for dinner includes ribs, smothered pork chops (smothered in what is not known), steaks and other daily specials - no prices mentioned but I suspect very cheap. I enquire about Hushpuppies. He explains that these are his favourite  - some sort of corn meal, fluffy, deep fried dough-nutty thing.

After chatting about nothing for a while, I finished my coffee (2nd top-up) and made my way home. The experience was exactly as I was expecting and hoping.

Got home just in time to see the dog catcher trying to put a lead on Leroy in our front garden. Before giving her the option of trying to say she brought him home (a $20 fine), I grabbed him, thanked her for her efforts and dragged him around the back. She left without her prize.

Went to Phil and Cath's place for dinner. These two people are outstanding pillars of the community. Phil is 69 and Cath may be slightly younger but both are classy retired dudes. They live in a house which is well suited for a couple but maybe  not so much for entertaining. As they travel for most of their retired year, they don't really require much for the winter. The kitchen is not small by standards here but there is practically no dining area - just a breakfast bar for two and a cramped table for four. Phil had been cooking brats (pron. "Brotts") and cut of pork which was smoked with hickory and then shredded. Cathy had a large dish of fried beans in a sauce (much like baked beans but with a hint of peanut), coleslaw and rolls.

Again, not a knife in sight anywhere.

Phil bought the house next door from the druggies who neglected it for $5000 and gradually deleted the house and reduced it to the basement where he now has a pizza oven, fire places and a place to entertain.



He's also planning to buy the next house up which is in similar condition. This will give a really significant sized block for him to have as a house plot. He also owns the land on the other side of the bridge and plans to have a huge veggie garden when access via the bridge is stabilised. As the cost of property is ridiculously cheap here, you can really set your own limits - but you can't pick your neighbours.

As the sun began to slowly set, there were numerous people testing the fireworks in preparation for the upcoming 4th July celebrations. The whizzes and sonic booms were quite load (the standard we'd get at a school fete.) This goes on for the two weeks leading up to 4th July and for one week after, as people use up their purchased supplies. At the end of the evening, Phil decided that the dune buggy should come out for showing off. This is transport for a quick terrorisation of the neighbourhood up to the C&R Market (the local shop) or around to other neighbours' houses. Tim was brave* enough to have an off-road experience at the hands of a 69 yr old kid who had been working all day and seriously partying all night.

* Feel free to exchange with other appropriate adjectives

Off in the distance, we could occasionally hear the sounds of the buggy plowing through the neighbouring fields and around various houses, trees, shortcuts to grandma's house, on the road and off road, with no lights on. When the buggy was too far away to hear the engine, we could still hear the screams of terror from Tim.

They did a couple of laps of the neighbourhood and then looped the property a couple of times, ending in a screeching halt back at the party. I think Phil has done this sort of thing before.

Next morning, we heard the story of Phil taking Crystal for a spin after we had gone home - they ended up in the lake and came back soaked.

Day 17 - Day at the Lake

Woke up at about 7am. Knew we were to be leaving at 9am and realistic enough to know better. It was a sparklingly beautiful day outside and a good day for a drive in the countryside.Today we drove down through Sedalia to Warsaw.


Long trip. Uncomfortable car.

We went to see the Harry S. Truman Dam. An expansive dam project which incorporates flood mitigation with hydro-electric power generation.

The dam has a visitors' centre which give a really boring pictorial account of what happened in the local area from the times of colonisation, the Civil War, exploration and dam development. There's even some dinosaur exhibits with really big bit os fake bones under glass for the kiddies to marvel at.

From the glass viewing area you get a good view of the dam and can see the very large fish coming to the surface near the shoreline. There are birds of prey constantly circling, ready to swoop down on a delicious sashimi feast.

There are also log cabins around the viewing centre. Different styles all nestled in a small area.

From here, we continued the 15 minute drive to Vera and Mike's place by the lake. They live in a community of permanently positioned transportable housing. The "house" is very long but not that wide but they've an elaborate decorating style which includes mirrors on the ceiling in the lounge.

From Clare's account, this is not a cheap home. They seem to spend most of their time sitting out under the trees, relaxing and chatting etc. While we were there, a stealth bomber flew overhead. First time I've ever seen anything like that.

Day 16 - Day of Rest

Woke up at 7 and started listening to Kristina's Violin Concert again.

It rained last night and is still very overcast today to everything looks very bleak (including Tim)

Walked up to the store to buy bread (as against the biscuits and croissants we could have made, and the hotdog and hamburger buns that are stuffing the freezer) but the only available fare is the supersoft loaves that offer no texture, even when toasted.

(Editor's note: How desperate am I to be blogging about the texture of bread in supermarkets.) 

While at the shop, I bought a bottle of Yellow Tail Pinot Grigio and was "carded" on the way out. (If you haven't bought alcohol from the shop before, they must sight your photo ID. Thank goodness all that pressure is now over.)

Day 15 - The Aftermath

I'm writing this at 12pm. Tim slept on the lounge because his bed was confiscated because it was a king size and could accommodate two people. (We had 5 extras stay over last night) He's only just surfaced to go and reclaim his bed upstairs. I doubt we'll see much of him today.

I woke at about 7.30am but was not interested in the devastation waiting downstairs. As the relations eventually began to surface they sat around outside and drank coffee and smoked.

I knew that the milk was low so used the excuse to go for a walk to the shops. The parking lot country markets were open for business and they were selling heads of lettuce and other salad vegetables. Spring onions were large enough to buy in singles.

In the picture, you will notice the single pick up truck and the lonely table that constitutes the Slater Fresh Country Market Inc. I've given them this official title as it was too sad not to have a name for these people.


On the menu for breakfast:
Biscuits and gravy

Biscuits are the size of large scones but more of a bread consistency than scone. They come in the tube packs you see in the pic and when you break the seal, they puff slightly. They separate easily enough and go onto a baking dish to go in the oven for 15 mins.

Gravy is a bit more involved. You get a package of Oldham Country Sausage (the consistency of the uncooked sausage from a butcher), pinch it out into 1/2 teaspoon size chunks and fry. Then you make a white sauce (maybe with a little cheese but you couldn't really tell) and pour it over the mince balls. They break up the biscuits into little pieces  on their plate and spoon the gravy over it. Biscuits can also be had like scones with jelly (jam).

Menu from the party last night:
I quickly made guacamole dip because nobody thought of anything like that and there were things in the cupboard that I could use. Also found some Philly cream cheese and added chilli sauce and mixed. Split both dips onto two serving plates and surrounded with CCs and they were amazed and the cooking ability of Aussies.

One of the guests (not sure where she fits in) who looks disturbingly like David Spade in his Joe Dirt
character (pictured here) except without the moustache and beard***, wanted to know what was in the Philly dip (it was just soooooo gooooood) I explained that it was simply Philly with chilli sauce tipped in and she asked for the recipe. I explained again that is was simply Philly and chilli sauce and she asked me to write down the recipe for her. Think I might bring out my own Missouri Cook Book (limited edition.) The concept of what Ben, Jake and Kristina are capable would be too difficult to try to explain. They can bring out their own books later.

*** Took me quite a while to work out that this dude in jeans and a baseball shirt was a dudette! She had already packed away a few brewskis and was starting to talk in American Braille.

As I'm writing this, the conversation on the patio ranges from Obamacare, to "What the hell was that animal thing in my backyard?", to alien sightings, Clare's childhood, the benefits of a home garden versus canned goods, how arrogant we are to think that these aliens can't just smite us where we stand so they must just want to be friendly, "How the hell you 'gonna' trap that thing hanging around your backyard?", how community support in Japan after disasters is second to none, through to healthy eating. All of these segueing quite neatly through a nicely woven narrative.

Just chilllin' on a Sunday afternoon.

Dat 14 - The Event

Woke at about 8 after going to sleep at 2am.

Today is the day of the big "Americans - Come and meet my brothers from Australia!" party. I hate parties that don't have a defined start and/or finish time.

Clare asked me to drive her over to Donny's place to pick up his ride-on mower so I dropped her over there (5 minute walk) and drove back. No problems with getting used to the other side of the road. Getting used to the car was the difficult thing. It stalls when you take your foot off the accelerator at the stop signs. It is so low to the ground, it's like driving a skateboard.

Hung up a cheap set of clear Christmas lights over the outside picnic table area. Just nailed into the tree - they won't last more than a year (the lights, not the handiwork) - and then Tim woke and decided to take charge of the job. He was just in time to hand me the last nail as he started on his running commentary of how the lights should really have been reinforced etc etc. and how trees work. Inspired by the pep talk, I decided to ensure that that last nail was as perfectly hammered as my limited skills could muster.

Clark and Vera have arrived; and so is the beginning of the multitude that will take over this severely under-resourced establishment. I hope when they bring a plate, they actually bring plates. Lotta' folks a'headin' thisa wey!

Vera (Earl's sister) talks with an extremely slow drawl that you would easily mistake for some sort of impairment or difficulty. They are all heavy smokers and love their Budweiser.

Many have absolutely no filter when it comes to talking about who's in jail, who's fathered who and who is sleeping around. Country wisdom flowed as much as the beers.

Sat most of the night chatting with Clare's old neighbour from two doors up (He's moved out to Sweet Springs). A gently spoken man who drives truck for a living and has three young boys (Dakota (12), Robert (10) and Kyle (8).) The boys are very nicely spoken and seem gentle although the stories of the child carnage at home bely their calm demeanour.

Robert and Kyle are attending Summer School. They get paid by the education system here to attend. $100 for the month, $25 penalty for non-attendance on a single day. If you're away for four days, there is no way that you can get the kids to attend for the rest of the summer school.

Sara and Jerry's daughter, Paula, joined us at the outside picnic table (away from the smokers and heavy partying) She has three children: Anthony (13) I met in the kitchen when he showed me his new pocket knife, and other boy (12 but slightly taller) and a daughter. Notice how the information gets sketchier further down the line.

We talked about the schooling system here and their experiences in schools with teachers. They are a lovely family and the kids are friendly and warm to chat to. They are all on their 3 month Spring break at the moment.

We were just near the fire and the kids made S'mores : a toasted marshmallow with chocolate in between two gram cracker biscuits. Equivalent flavour would be a chocolate wheaten biscuit with hot marshmallow on it.

After the kids left, the adults just sat around talking and drinking and smoking and drifted off one by one. I went to bed and chatted with Ben on Facebook for a while and then went to sleep.